Why Ambitious Mothers Struggle to Meet Their Goals and What to Do About It
Many women in midlife find themselves silently ambitious, whether they’re working mothers, single mothers, or in traditional family structures. They’ve often buried their dreams and aspirations under layers of responsibility, cultural expectations, and the ever-demanding roles of marriage and parenting. These roles often keep them from pursuing the passions and desires that light them up and align them with their life purpose. Instead, they are plagued by what are perceived as personal flaws and barriers, such as laziness, fear, and self-doubt.
In this blog, we’ll explore the framework contributing to this struggle and highlight the path that can turn it into ease, leading to greater happiness for ambitious mothers and their loved ones.
The Hidden Barriers to Achieving Your Goals
Growing up within religious and cultural frameworks can instil ideologies that further alienate women from personal ambition. The expectation to fulfil roles as a mother, daughter, and wife according to a specific script makes it difficult to explore and express ourselves. This creates a disconnect from our true identity and leaves us feeling lost and unfulfilled.
We’re taught to primarily serve and nurture those around us without first meeting our own needs, knowing what fuels and energises us. We end up living from an endlessly dry cup that gradually drains our vibrancy and silences our ambition. This is especially challenging for single mothers and working mothers who often face additional pressures and time constraints.
Unaware of the subconscious influence of these ideologies, our well-intentioned inner critic steps in, offering explanations for our lack of achievement — laziness, lack of goal-setting skills, or the need for more self-discipline. This inner dialogue often intensifies, making us feel even more inadequate and like a “bad mother” for wanting more.
The Myth of Self-Sacrifice: Why It Holds You Back
Reflecting on my life, I realised that I was simply exhausted — disconnected from the creative, powerful part of me that I needed to reach my goals. In the context of marriage and parenting, often influenced by religious and cultural expectations, I found myself running on empty. I had abandoned my own dreams, following early teachings to obey, sacrifice, and conform, rather than nurturing my own desires and pursuing happiness.
We’re taught a lie — that the purpose of life is to meet external expectations and simply “be good.” This lie runs deep, reinforced by conditioning that makes it feel risky to step outside the boundaries we’ve been given. Over time, this builds a potent mix of fear, guilt, and shame at the idea of going beyond these limits. In religious contexts, we may even believe that striving for personal ambition is selfish or goes against divine will.
The truth is, having professional goals and pursuing ambitions beyond the home doesn’t make us bad mothers. In fact, it’s by following our dreams and reaching for more that we inspire our daughters to do the same. Ambitious mothers, whether single, working, or in traditional family structures, can be great role models for their children.
Yet, as mothers, we often put our own goals on hold. Mom guilt sets in, and the momentum we build towards our personal aspirations fades. We end up stuck in a cycle of unfulfilled dreams, constantly prioritising our loved ones over ourselves, often at the cost of our own happiness.
Turning Struggle into Ease: How to Achieve Your Goals with Flow
Through my journey, I’ve discovered the opposite is true. The more I commit to living a free and authentic life, answering only to myself, the more connected I feel to my true purpose. This experience has been truly transformative. The fear and self-doubt that once gripped me, born from imposed ideologies and beliefs, dissolve as I connect more deeply with myself.
To remove the struggle and bring ease to fulfilling our ambitions, we need to shift our focus back to ourselves, reconnect with our passion, away from the external noise that dictates the dos and don’ts of our lives. This journey of self-discovery gradually leads us to rediscover the passions and interests that once energised us. With this clarity, we can pursue our goals with excitement and renewed energy.
Being kind to ourselves in this process is crucial, allowing us to play the game of life from a place of true potential. As ambitious mothers, we can find ways to balance our personal goals with our responsibilities, leading to greater happiness for ourselves and our loved ones. Whether you’re a working mother juggling career and family, a single mother navigating life’s challenges alone, or any other type of ambitious mother, remember that pursuing your dreams doesn’t make you a bad mother — it makes you an inspiring one.
Sukaina Jae
Life Coach — Simplifying Motherhood for Single mums
Check out The Successful Single Mum programme - enrolling now
This article was first published on medium.com